Bright light! Bright light!

Once upon a time, there was a girl that moved into a cute little apartment over a bed and breakfast.  She very much loved living in her upstairs palace.  There were lots of windows, and a bar whose music drifted in through her open windows in the evenings.  One of her favorite things about her tiny castle was laying in her bed at night and looking at the courthouse.  She also relished the nights where she could silently spy on the drunks parading down the street and the alley after the bar had closed.  It was most amusing.  Due to the fact that she did live upstairs, she was somewhat hidden from the things that one would normally deal with living at street level.  She thought nothing of sleeping with the windows flung wide open, and it rarely crossed her mind to be decent whilst walking from the shower to the bedroom.

One day, she was off work and decided that a nap would be quite nice.  Unfortunately, some noisy creatures disturbed her normally peaceful nap time.  She peered out the window to see men in hard hats commandeering a bucket truck.  This could only mean trouble.  They drilled and hammered and yelled back and forth to each other.  She gave up on her nap, and proceeded to deal with sorting laundry.  It wasn't until after her evening walk with her rotten dog that she realized what the men had done.  As she rounded the corner to head home, she saw it.  The sun had almost completely set...except for in front of her place.  It was so bright that her pale skin was almost seared by the light!  What had they done??  Her cover of darkness was gone!  How was she supposed to lie undetected in her bed and people watch on busy weekends?  Her adorable lamps on the bedside tables would likely never have a use again!  She grumbled as she plodded up the stairs with the fur ball.  How dare them!  I mean, sure - it was safer for people walking down the street and all.  But what about her???  She went to bed early that night, and the light flooded through the blinds and lit up her bedroom like Clark Griswold's house at Christmas time.  She tried turning the blinds in the opposite direction in hopes of blocking out at least a bit of the light.  No luck.  She tried to be positive.  At least if someone broke in she'd be able to see their face enough to give an extremely detailed account of their features to the police.  Her aim would likely be better due to higher visibility when she shot the jerks for breaking in in the first place.  But oh the light!!  She resolved to use her new fancy drill to hang curtains when she got in from work the following afternoon.  Perhaps the very bright light will persuade the noisier of the drunks to not linger .  I mean, the light did bother her sober eyes so she could only imagine seeing that spotlight through beer goggles!

Maybe her fancy drill and sage green curtains will thwart the evil men's efforts to flood the entire world with light.  Men with hard hats in bucket trucks rarely mean good news.  Thank you, Bandera Electric Coop, for shedding a little light...ok a RIDICULOUS amount of light on the world!  

Quite illuminated,
Sunny (and I don't want cracks about my name and the light, people!!) 

Shut up!

Pulp Fiction is one of my very favorite movies of all time.  As a matter of fact, I might pop it in while I'm cleaning this afternoon.  For those of you with a delicate disposition that are easily offended, shield your precious little virgin eyes as I'm about to quote some filthy language.  (I now find myself wondering why you're reading my stuff in the first place if you're easily offended...anyways...)

Mia:  Don't you hate that?
Vincent:  What?
Mia:  Uncomfortable silences.  Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent:  I don't know.  That's a good question.
Mia:  That's when you know you've found somebody special.  When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

Mia makes a very valid point here.  Vincent is obviously horribly tortured by having to take the lovely Mia Wallace out to dinner.  I mean, she is the boss's wife after all.  Ever notice how chatty you get when you're nervous?  There are you weirdos out there that get all quiet when you're nervous, and that makes people like me nervous.  It's a vicious cycle.  Even Depeche Mode told us to "Enjoy the silence" in 1990.  And again in 2004.  Could there be something to all of this quiet??  And we've all heard "You have one mouth and two ears for a very good reason!"  That's poetic speak for "SHUT UP and listen!!"  Being the sort that observes and calculates, I can vouch for this quiet nonsense.  The girls I work with swear I have dog ears - I hear everything that happens in that store.  It's not that I have super human hearing, mind you.  It's that I'm much busier hearing than talking.  I've even learned to hear multiple conversations at one time - and fully retain knowledge of all of them.  


Being quiet and hearing everything is almost like a super power.  I always did think Wonder Woman was pretty bad ass...but that could be my affection for really big hair showing through.  I can't deflect bullets with big bracelets.  I love all things shiny, but they bring me little power.  Forgive me, I digress.  Sharing a comfortable silence with someone is a truly golden experience.  Have you ever accomplished this?  Turn of the TV, the iPod, the cell phones, and - if you're still of that persuasion - the land line phone.  Share the room with someone.  Can you make it five whole minutes without blathering on about some insignificant nonsense?  I know there is someone that will argue that I talk an awful lot.  And sometimes I do!  I mean, you should be inside my head for a day!  It's a damned busy place in there!  I have lots to get out so my cranium stays intact.  And I don't go completely bat shit nuts.  I'm not saying you should sit and gaze into each others' eyes and not speak.  That's not comfortable for anyone.  Just share a room.  Be quiet.  If all else fails, you can always take Mary Chapin Carpenter's advice and "Shut Up and Kiss Me!"  

Long story short, it's amazing what you can learn when you just relax and observe.  Once words escape your mouth, it's some sort of hell getting them back to where they came from.  They always leave a mess much akin to a red wine stain on a white counter top.  I'm pretty sure that happiness is a very quiet thing.  It's not a grand parade, bustling through the streets drawing attention to itself.  When you're quiet, you learn that someone likes chicken Masala, not chicken Marsala.  One letter could ruin a dinner!  If you're listening instead of hearing, you learn that there are days that make a heart sink by merely showing up on the calendar.  Sometimes listening helps you remember when somebody needs and extra hug or a few more minutes of quiet snuggling.  There are a thousand reasons to listen, and about a hundred reasons to speak.  If you're at a loss for words in an uncomfortable situation, good!  You don't have to say a word.  Just be there if you're needed.  Words tend to muck up already awkward situations.

All of this preaching about silence and quiet and listening and look at me rambling on!  I have laundry to do and Sissy fur to vacuum off the carpet - again!  AND I have meatballs to make for tonight's dinner!  Busy mind, busy hands I suppose.  Go give someone an unexpected hug.  It may be the saving grace of the hug-ee's day!  You never know what someone is going through.  I hope you all have a wonderful, quiet day.    

Shhhhh!!
Sunny

When Things Become "Uncool"

Tonight when I got in from work, I ate a bite of dinner and settled in for some quiet time.  Due to the fact that someone very dear to me is in some pretty bad pain, I threw on some capris and a t-shirt to tromp out into the rain to retrieve some super strength Tylenol to complete the Advil & Tylenol cocktail needed to make the poor man stop wincing in pain.  I automatically grabbed for the first shirt I could find.  This shirt just happened to be my Luckenbach t-shirt.  I got this shirt on a trip down to Luckenbach once upon a time.  For those of you who don't know the significance of this place that I'm talking about, Google it.  For those of you who know the sanctity of said place, you understand why a memento from such a place would be pretty cool to own.  Well, if you live in East Texas like I did, it was cool.  Now that I live about 45 minutes from it, it somehow loses some of the coolness.  When in the hell did that happen anyway?  I still fully appreciate the significance of the hallowed little town on the creek that Hondo Crouch so lovingly brought to life.  I understand that Willie's infamous 4th of July picnic pretty much became famous because of this little patch of earth.  And those of us who were lucky enough to have encountered Marge when she was still among us understand that her snippy attitude wasn't her being hateful,  it was really more of a form of tough love.  And if you've ever had to use the restroom there, you've likely fought off a tribe of dirt daubers and managed to hold the curtain to maintain a shred of decency.  Why is it that being in close proximity to something makes it less cool to sport your mementos from said place?  It's funny that when I lived in Tyler, an Austin's t-shirt was just plain bad ass.  Down here, it's much cooler to have a Racket and Jog t-shirt.  Could it be a form of a bragging right that you've been somewhere out of your territory that's cool?  Is the place any less awesome because you're closer to it?  Are there other things that lose that magic over the years?  

Well, I proudly sported my beloved green Luckenbach t-shirt to the Super S tonight.  Maybe I'm a geek.  Or maybe I've just stopped giving a rat's ass what people think about me.  Flying by the seat of my pants seems to be going swimmingly for me thus far.  And for the first time in a very long time, I'm saying "Me first!"  I'm here to tell you - it's pretty freeing to stop caring what society thinks about you and start caring what you think about you.  In case you haven't taken notice lately, society is seriously jacked up!  To quote one of my very favorite websites of all time (www.hotghettomess.com) "If you're not appalled, you're not paying attention!"  I, personally, am appalled!  People.  Are.  Nuts.  End of discussion.  So, wear your mementos, sticker your cars with goofy stickers, and play your happy music every time you get the chance.  We're only here once, folks.  No dress rehearsals, no take backs.  Carpe diem!!  The very wise man Theodor Seuss Geisel - aka Dr. Seuss - once said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Let that one roll around in your cranium a bit.  I don't know if there have ever been any truer words written.  Be kind to each other, and live for today.

Still hanging out in my very cool Luckenback t-shirt,
Sunny    

It's Funny

I was thinking today how odd life is.  Just when you think you have it all figured out, it throws you for a loop.  Sometimes, we hold on as tight as we can so we don't fall off, and other times we throw our hands up over our heads and squeal with glee like little kids on a roller coaster.  Time flies, and that's not always a bad thing!  Two years ago, I was hanging on for dear life to this half dead thing that had no chance of survival.  I was scared to death to fall off of the ride that I had spent so much time on.  They say that drowning is actually pretty peaceful if you just stop fighting.  I think letting go of something toxic is much the same - you just have to stop fighting.  If you're ingesting poison, it's bound to catch up to you sooner or later you know.  

So, I let go.  Put the past behind me, and let go.  Time is something that we can never, ever reclaim no matter what.  Once a minute, an hour, a year, a decade is gone - it's very simply gone.  So what do you do when you come to that realization?  What happens when you have that moment of clarity?  You pick your ass up off the ground, dust off, clean out your wounds and look ahead.  Looking behind you will only get you bruises from running into things!  

I personally, took refuge in the heart of Texas.  In the hills.  The place that I've been in love with for the better part of 10 years.  I moved away from the only place that I've ever known and took a job on a whim.  Little did I know what was in store for me!  This beautiful store out in the middle of nowhere adopted me as her own.  The staff became my adopted family.  The owner of this massive corporation hugged me tight and greeted me with an enormous smile on her face.  An insignificant job soon turned into so much more.  Before I knew it I got a raise.  Then a promotion and another raise.  And an invitation to the most amazingly fun company Christmas party you can even imagine.  I feel like I've been with this corporation for the better part of my adult life, and can't fathom ever working for anyone else.  There's more good stuff on the horizon, and I can't wait to meet that skyline!

Then, after a series of odd encounters, I met someone that is truly worth my very valuable time.  Someone worth spending those minutes, hours, and days on.  That time that I can never get back finally feels well spent.  Not a single solitary second feels wasted.  And I have no regrets.  I'm quite pleased that I let go - and yes, it is peaceful.  

I guess I said all of that to say this - time is quite possibly the most valuable commodity that we have.  If there is something that is holding you back, making you feel repressed and sad, or breaking your heart...just let go.  It's amazing how much courage and strength are hanging out deep inside you.  When you think you have nothing left in this world, they'll be there waiting to help you out.  Christopher Robin once said to Pooh "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."  I never realized how very true that simple statement is.  Happiness means different things to different people.  For me, it's a hug and a kiss at the end of a hard day's work.  And the notion that even though I don't know for sure what tomorrow is going to bring me, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can handle it and keep smiling a genuine, happy smile.  What is your happiness?  Are you there?  Is that smile a real one or a facade?  You have the means to build your happy.  And I promise - it's worth every single minute you'll spend on it!

Love and GENUINE Happiness,
Sunny  ;-) 
       

HEB Mamas vs Wal Mart Mamas

One of the things that I was most looking forward to when I moved down here was grocery shopping at HEB.  Aisles and aisles of specialty foods, bulk food aisles, any cheese you'd ever want to melt, organic everything, fresh hand rolled sushi that's actually GOOD...to someone who grew up with Brookshire's, this place is a wonder land. So, once a week, I load up to go grocery shopping.  Last week, I had quite an extensive list.  I arrived at HEB at almost 4:00 due to circumstances beyond my control.  By the time I left, I found myself in desperate need of either Valium or alcohol.

Let me explain.  The women that were grocery shopping with their little school children are on something.  Or they're tree huggers.  I'm still up in the air on this one.  While Mama is looking at which package of chicken thighs to buy, her cart is blocking the entire chicken section pushed a comfy two feet away from her tanned little elbow.  Meanwhile, her little spawn are behaving like zoo monkeys.  Hanging from the meat cases, bouncing off the carts - hers and mine - blocking the pork section...these kids are in need of a talking to like I used to get when I was little.  My sister and I knew better than to act like little devils in public.  That's because MY Mama put the fear of God in us at an early age!  I can count on one hand the number of spankings I got when I was growing up, but I guarantee you I deserved every damned one of them.  I've taken my nephews out in public by myself before, and while they ARE boys, they are pretty near angelic.  My sister has raised respectful, considerate, helpful children using much the same method my mother used.  They know she means business when she takes them out to run errands.  To any extent, there were multiple tribes of these little hellions all over the store.  And heaven forbid you glare at or pointedly avoid the little monsters.  Apparently, HEB Mamas think their precious little angels are just the most adorable little things to ever hit God's green Earth!  Boy oh boy are they off!  I got so frustrated that I couldn't find the boneless, skinless chicken breasts that I had planned to cook for dinner that night, and I got home with cheese that I thought was molded.  The good news on the cheese is that it just had jalapenos in it, not mold. 

This week, I decided that I'd try Wal Mart.  While the selection is a bit more limited, the company is much more acceptable!  I saw a woman with 5 - yes 5 - chubby, smiley little girls crammed into one of those plastic fronted carts.  Those girls were all under 10, by the way.  I passed them several times, and every single time they were all giggling and singing - but NEVER setting foot out of that cart!  On one aisle, one of the younger ones tuned up to throw a fit.  Mama cut her eyes at the little one and the tears dried up in an instant.  Something tells me that they got the same talk that I did before my Mama took me out shopping.  There were several other little tribes all over the store, and I heard things like, "Keep your hand on the cart, please!" and "Don't touch the things on the shelves, please!"  How hard is this?  Seriously, I realize raising children is likely one of the top five most challenging things on the planet.  But if you're going to have them, isn't it sort of your responsibility to raise decent little humans?  I certainly think so!  My sister and I turned out pretty well, and my parents are to thank for that.  We're both helpful, kind, respectful, and are able to think and do for ourselves.

So, the moral of the story is that I will no longer be heading to HEB for a full bill of groceries.  Sure, I'll stop there to get things like tuna steaks and such.  But for milk and oatmeal and such - absolutely not!  It's not worth the headache!  I'd like to personally thank all of the Wal Mart Mamas out there - and you know who you are!  This world needs more women that aren't afraid to tell their children no.  I promise it will not damage their self esteem or lead to years of therapy if they don't get the Dora the Explorer balloon or the jumbo package of Oreos.  They'll be just fine!  I promise - they'll learn that life sometimes isn't the way we think it should be, but it's all for a good reason.  All hail the strong, moral women of the world!  :-)

Waddly waddly...it's all just cheese and rice...

Sunny